Accountability

The Nibble: Be the Change You Want to See in Your Home

Yes, Gandhi said it a bit differently, but the sentiment is the same. With any luck, 2021 will end with us feeling happier and more connected. One way to move us in that direction is to take time, right now, to decide what small steps we want to take to model the attitude and behavior we want to see more regularly in our children.

The first step is to tune into our parenting identity and affirm what we most value as a parent, as a person. For instance, I value honesty and kindness. To be completely honest, I am writing this after Jan. 1, and after the raid on the U.S. Capitol. The divisiveness in our country has made me think hard about the divisiveness that can occur within families. How can we help ourselves, and our children, overcome habits of name-calling (out of fear, frustration, and insecurity) and effectively take accountability for our actions, without shame?

A is for Accountability.

Guilt. It can be a powerful intrinsic motivator. It comes from within; a child can’t be made to feel guilty. Guilt often goes hand in hand with accountability. Everyone makes mistakes. The goal is to help our kids take accountability for their mistakes then plan to apologize and do things better next time. It’s that simple. If a child feels guilt, that’s their feeling to own. It’s not the goal. Accountability is the goal. If we tell a child she should feel guilty or tell them they are bad or selfish or stupid or ungrateful…that, dear parents, is shaming.

Shame. Let’s avoid shaming our loved ones at all costs, this year and for all the years to follow. Shame is only harmful; it’s never helpful. . If someone does something bad and is caught, your goal is not to shame them, it is to help them be accountable.

B is for Brené Brown

After listening to Brené Brown’s podcast, below, I wanted to share it with you. I hope you’ll listen to it and think beyond politics. The power of dehumanizing language is undeniable. And, truthfully, we all do it. And we’ve done it too much this past year. Our children do it, too. They hear us calling politicians less-than-human names. Unkind names. But imagine if our homes were Dehumanizing Language Free Zones? What if we agreed, as a family, to work very hard to change how we expressed ourselves when we are triggered? Big feelings are fine, but phrases such as “You’re such a (fill in the blank)” are gone for good – in person AND on social media. We can be the change.

The Hop: So many podcasts, so little time! (This one stays accountable at 35 minutes)

Unlocking Us Podcast - January 13, 2021

Brené Brown on Words, Actions, Dehumanization, and Accountability

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-words-actions-dehumanization-and-accountability/

In this episode, social scientist Brené Brown, Ph.D., clearly and passionately unpacks the behaviors that led up to the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. According to history, “dehumanization is the most significant driver of insurrection and it always starts with language. We are all responsible for recognizing it, stopping it, and holding people accountable for dehumanizing language and actions.”

The Burrow: It’s a new year! No deep dive for you this month. Instead, you are free to make one or two small changes that you WANT to make (not what you think you should make) and make them last. How about trying one of these ideas?

·        Give your child a hug and say, “I want to be like you when I grow up.” And then tell them Why.

·        Read a book that takes you someplace you love or that makes you laugh.

·        Choose kinder language when talking about someone your child admires.

·        Practice kinder, positive self-talk. Admiring others gets a whole lot easier when we start admiring ourselves.

Wise choice!